


don't know why.

by atsirc



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, i'm sorry i had to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 04:13:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8782510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atsirc/pseuds/atsirc
Summary: Maggie was good at running. It was her gut reaction when things got tough; her first instinct was to leave everything behind and start again. So it terrified her when she met Alex, when she found a reason to stick around.Her first thought was 'run'.





	

**Author's Note:**

> sooooo, i got the idea for this while listening to the song don't know why by norah jones. apologies in advance, please don't hate me too much. also, i wrote this at work (when i should have been working), so apologies for any errors or inconsistencies. let me know if you see something that needs to be fixed! and, feel free to shoot me a message over on lesbiancosmos.tumblr.com!

Maggie was good at running. It was her gut reaction when things got tough; her first instinct was to leave everything behind and start again. So it terrified her when she met Alex, when she found a reason to stick around.

Her first thought was _'run'_.

Alex kept her coming back, though, made it difficult for her to leave. She tried convincing herself that she just enjoyed Alex's company, that having a friend in National City wasn't so bad. And then Alex kissed her at the alien bar, and she felt fireworks firing off in her rib cage where her heart must be, and her heart was screaming _'stay'_.

She pulled away instead, couldn't help when her mouth formed the word _'wow'_ when she meant to stay quiet. She quickly righted herself, telling Alex that all they could be was friends - not at all what Maggie wanted, but Alex? Alex deserved so much more than Maggie would ever be able to give her. Maggie couldn't be the one to break Alex's heart first. She deserved _more_.

She got lucky. This time, she didn't have to run; before she knew it, Alex was turning and leaving instead. She didn't know if she should be relieved or upset, seeing Alex go.

She ignore the fact that she was rooted in place, that she couldn't have run even if she had tried.

Well, she tried to ignore it. Tried to pretend she hadn't wanted desperately for Alex to stay, for her to take back what she had said about just being friends, to grab Alex's wrist like she had grabbed Maggie's and pull her into a second kiss. She couldn't, though; it was on repeat in her head for a week. A week that Alex refused to respond to her texts, a week that Alex refused to answer her phone calls. Hell, she even tried emailing Alex; radio silence.

She couldn't handle it anymore.

So, without thinking, Maggie ended up standing outside Alex's little sister's door, practically begging Alex to give her a second chance. And Alex, for some reason, agreed. She never thought the words _'Pool. Tomorrow night.'_ would ever hold such a significance to her as they did in that moment. For once, Maggie followed her heart, listened when it whispered _'stay'_ , ignored her head when it screamed _'run'_.

The first thing she did when she returned to the comfort of her own apartment was to grab a bottle of whiskey and take a celebratory shot. Because maybe she did deserve happiness; maybe she wouldn't mess things up with Alex. Maybe they could just be friends, and Maggie wouldn't have to run anymore. Maybe, this time, Maggie could root herself in this city. Maybe things could actually be different.

One shot turned into two turned into three, and before she knew it, half the bottle was gone. Not that she intended to drink so much; it was never a good idea - Maggie tended to think too much when alcohol coursed through her system. And that's when the doubts started to seep in. A loop of all of the nasty things her ex had said to her; all of the friendships and relationships she had managed to mess up over the years; all of her insecurities were at the forefront of her mind now.

And maybe, Maggie began to think, it wasn't such a good idea to have Alex in her life.

Not that she didn't want Alex in her life; god, she had only known the woman a month? And already, she knew that she would do absolutely anything in her power to keep Alex safe. That... scared her, to say the least. Because even though she had had feelings like that for other women in the past, they had never been as strong as they were now. And if she was capable of fucking up so royally with those women, who was to say she wouldn't do the same to Alex?

She fell asleep on her couch, still clutching the half-empty whiskey bottle to her chest.

When she woke up, she did her best not to think about Alex, about tonight, about anything. She went to work, she avoided any crime scenes that she knew the DEO would be at, chose to stay at her desk doing paperwork most of the day, and went home. She purposely didn't look at her phone until she made it back to her apartment, changed, and picked up the whiskey bottle again.

She allowed herself a glance at her phone: 3 text messages, 2 missed calls.

_'Hey, we still on for tonight?'_

_'I was thinking 9pm. Let me know if that works for you.'_

_'Maggie? I'll meet you there, let me know when you're on your way.'_

She checked the time on her phone. 9:14pm. Her heart sunk in her chest; with every beat, she could almost hear it telling her to go, to meet Alex, to make everything right. To not ruin this one good thing in her life.

But Maggie could never fully tune out her head, the way it always told her to run, to not get attached to people, especially good people like Alex, good people who deserved better than Maggie. She didn't bother getting a glass this time, she took a swig straight from the bottle.

Because that was the truth, wasn't it? Alex did deserve better. Maggie was no good for her, or for anyone; her exes had made sure she knew that. She was a workaholic, she was stubborn, she was hard headed. She didn't ever think of anyone, didn't ever put someone else before herself. Alex deserved the world. Alex, with her genuine smile and her caring eyes and her loving heart. Alex deserved someone who would always put her first, someone who would treat her right, someone who would make Alex their world. Maggie surely couldn't provide that for her.

So, maybe this was Maggie putting someone first for once: choosing not to ruin Alex the way she had ruined her previous relationships. She took another swig of whiskey, until she ended up gulping down the rest of it.

She stumbled to her room, threw as many articles of clothing as she could fit in her duffel bag. She glanced at her phone again, saw 4 new text messages and another missed call, and didn't bother to read them. It was 11:32pm; Alex probably knew by now that Maggie wasn't going to show up. And even though Maggie knew that would hurt Alex, she also knew that Alex was strong. Alex would get over it and forget about Maggie completely, would move on and find someone much better for her than Maggie.

After hurriedly packing up the necessary toiletries and anything else she may need, Maggie allowed herself just a moment to think about Alex. To think of how this would affect her; to think about that kiss, how Maggie's lips seemed to have been made to kiss Alex's; to think about how much she would miss Alex. Her heart still told her to stay, to try and mend things, to make things work. Her head was much louder, kept telling her to run, to not look back.

To Maggie, the damage had already been done. There was no reason to stick around now, to deal with the aftermath.

She downed a glass of water, looked at the time flashing on the stove: 3:29am. She wasn't even sure how that much time had passed. She should sleep, at least for an hour or two, but she knew that if she did, she may never leave when she woke up. Instead, she grabbed her duffel bag and helmet and walked out of her apartment, not bothering to lock the door on her way out. It wasn't like she was going to be back.

When she climbed onto her bike, she allowed herself one last look at her phone. No new texts or phone calls this time; Alex had gotten the message loud and clear. Sobered up mostly by now, Maggie stared at the text conversation. She typed a message, erased, typed something else, erased. No matter what she said, Alex would hate her. And maybe that's what Maggie wanted; maybe it would be easier if Alex hated her.

She finally typed a message, sent it, and turned her phone off. She revved her bike and drove off, not knowing where she was headed. She didn't look back.

—

Alex's phone buzzed on her nightstand, and she woke up, rubbing her eyes, still red and puffy from crying. She glanced at her alarm clock and saw 4:14am flashing back at her. She checked her phone, heart jumping into her throat when she saw who it was from.

_'I'm sorry.'_


End file.
